Dark Days (Ukraine)

I suppose in some ways this isn't all that different from the wars in the former Yugoslavia throughout most of the 1990s in that it feels terrible and yet remote, and life goes on much as usual for people in North America -- and largely in Europe as well.  Europe once again proves it is fairly impotent in the face of sustained aggression, and the U.S. is more or less sitting on the sidelines.  It is hard to know what is really the best course of action but it does seem like Putin will more or less "get away with it," with the minor irritant of Russia being labelled a pariah state.  Canada has actually very little involvement with Russia one way or the other, but it would be wise to gradually wind down our exposure to China, as the struggle between the U.S. and China will probably dominate the rest of this century (and certainly at the moment, the U.S. isn't looking too hot).  

I recall from many, many years ago the debates we had about pacifism and what would really stop another tyrant like Hitler.  And the answer is not that much.  Most politicians are appeasers at heart, frightened to death of actually expecting sacrifice from the public (just look at how little will actually be done on the climate change front).  And Putin really only understands and respects force.  Deep down, Xi Jinping is probably the same, but he is far more vulnerable to economic sanctions if the West ever decides to really get serious, which it probably won't.  

It is unfortunate seeing all the experts who promoted diplomacy and expanded trade as a way to permanent peace have egg on their face, as the consequences are so dire.  I remember in high school there was some essay competition about how to avoid nuclear war and of course all the winning entries were about cultural exchange and mutual understanding, etc.  My essay kind of went back to Greeks or even the Huns to the idea of hostage exchange, but with a technological twist, i.e. world leaders would have their family members surrendered to some world court and have devices implanted so that if the nuclear codes were used, they would instantly die in the process.  I don't know the details of Putin, but I expect Trump is such a raging narcissist that it would have made no difference.  I suppose one small consolation is that Trump is pushing the GOP into such pretzels, i.e. hero-worshipping Putin and other dictators, that for some of them (though not nearly enough!) the cognitive dissonance will make them snap and break free of his spell.

Anyway, there is no point in pretending I can make any kind of a difference in advancing peace in the Ukraine, but these are certainly sad days on top of all the horrible, lingering issues associated with COVID.  These really do feel like terrible days to be alive, as so much of the news is grim.  It definitely does feel worse than the 80s when the spectre of nuclear war loomed all the time, and yet my day to day life wasn't quite so burdened.

Edit (3/3): While the suffering in the Ukraine is very deep, it is apparent that the invasion hasn't gone according to Putin's plans, and in particular his troops are not being welcomed as "liberators."  And the West has gone much further in sanctioning Russia than I think he expected.  On the whole, it is positive that he's being thwarted, but at the same time, he seems clearly unhinged now, to the point he might use nuclear weapons and actually start WWIII.  Strained days, indeed...

Some Normalcy?

The stupid trucker convoy came through Toronto but didn't leave much of a mark.  I did hear them on Spadina and Richmond and flipped off a few (car) drivers with their shit-eating grins who thought they were being so edgy.  I guess the Ottawa residents are finding that life isn't like a movie where the cavalry is going to come running in to the rescue.  The police have said they are completely outnumbered and they aren't getting any help at all from the towing companies.  One might think that in a true state of emergency, the towing rigs might actually be nationalized.  As tempting as it might be to run in tanks or bulldozers to damage the trucks, this probably won't really help solve anything.  While I'm sure in the long run the State will have the last laugh, making it extremely difficult for any of these protestors to have their licenses renewed, etc., it certainly looks impotent in the short run.  And both Ford and Trudeau really do seem to have abandoned downtown Ottawa.  Anyway, the truckers barely made any impact on Toronto that I can see, though Robarts Library decided to shut down pre-emptively over the whole weekend.

I am only very, very slowly getting back into my rhythm of exercise.  I think I am just weighted down a lot by hating to go out in the snow in my boots, having less energy because I am not cycling regularly (or really at all) and some residual worries about how infectious Omicron is.  (That said I had to take 4 rapid tests in 2 weeks and came up negative each time!)  I really had planned on going to the gym over the weekend, though I got in late on Saturday, so I deferred it to Sunday, and I had a very sore throat in the morning.  I got better throughout the day, but just decided it wasn't worth it.  I do think this week should be a bit better.  I have a swimming lane booked for tonight and should be able to make it to the gym Tuesday and maybe Thurs.  I think that should kick start things and I'll be able to keep going through February.  Fingers crossed!

After more than a month, I finally hauled a few more things off to Value Village.  I got a coupon for making the donation and ended up picking up more books than I had anticipated, including a newish translation of Gilgamesh, Bellow's The Actual (a novella from late in his career, which I apparently overlooked), Ann-Marie MacDonald's Goodnight Desdemona (Good Morning Juliet) and an upgrade to Findley's Famous Last Words (with the other copy destined for my Little Free Library).

It has been really disappointing how Sing-for-Your-Supper has pretty much fallen apart.  It would normally be today (first Monday of the month), but there is no sign that it is being restarted.  Indeed, it is very possible that the lack of comments on Facebook has indicated there is no longer a critical mass of actors even interested in attending, making it impossible to carry on.  I actually did email the newish organizers a few ideas on sparking more interest, but haven't heard back.  That would be a huge shame, particularly as I find the monthly deadlines are a much needed spur to write more material, particularly when I am still not going out much to jazz clubs or other places where my creative juices flow.  I might just end up doing my own Zoom thing, but it isn't quite as satisfying.

Plenty of other things going on, either in the real world or just in my mind, but I have to break for now.  Ciao. 

What Am I Actually Reading?

I did get through Of Mice and Men and Giono's The Open Road.  I wouldn't say either was completely enjoyable, but they were fairly short...  The deep foreboding (and foreshadowing) in Of Mice and Men kept the tension a bit too high.  I kept waiting for the worst to happen, and then when it did, I found it just a bit unlikely that Curley's wife would really let Lennie get that close to her in the first place.  The Open Road is a bit different in that I found the narrator's interior monologue somewhat annoying and the novel's dark turn toward the end really comes out of nowhere.  At any rate, I do understand why critics link the two, though it isn't clear if The Open Road truly is a homage to Steinbeck's novella.

I'm pressing on with a novel and a short story collection I am not really enjoying: Ballard's The Day of Creation and Lalonde's Glorious Frazzled Beings.  I should finish Lalonde today.  I know I said I would stop reading books I didn't enjoy, but it is a hard habit to break sometimes.  I did give up on Ballard's Concrete Island almost immediately, and I probably feel I owe him another chance...

I think I'll work through some non-fiction next, including MegaCity Saga and Smart Cities in Canada: Digital Dreams, Corporate Designs.  

I haven't thought too much beyond that.  Perhaps Flannery O'Connor's Wise Blood which is short.  I intend to read Lamming's In the Castle of My Skin soon, but I only have an e-book, which doesn't work for the gym (now that I can start going again!).  Maybe I should borrow a copy from the library.

Probably around that time my replacement copy of Crime and Punishment will turn up.  This is the next major book I plan on reading.  And after that and Chesterton's The Man Who was Thursday, I think I'll tackle Arlt's The Seven Madmen.  That's really as far as I need to think ahead for the moment.

In between the novels, I'm still reading a ton of poetry.  This week I'm focusing on some Ottawa-based poets - Michael Dennis and Rob McLennan.  I do need to put up a few more reviews, but that will just have to wait.

Edit (2/5): Glorious Frazzled Beings ended with two more damp squibs of stories.  This collection wasn't to my taste at all, and I am debating whether to review it.  It's probably not worth it, as my overall impressions are so negative.  I only liked two ultra short stories: " My Five Week Course in Ikebana" and "At the Dentist."  This passage from "The Teeny Ghost People and Their Garments" bears repeating: "Sister desires are clearer.  Sisters want all their sisters nearby. They want their sisters to be happy, but not too happy, so their sisters' lives do not seem so much better in comparison to their own."  Otherwise I didn't like it and can't see what all the fuss was about...

Crime and Punishment turned up a week earlier than I expected it.  Maybe I'll hold off until I've read Lamming's In the Castle of My Skin and Selvon's An Island is a World, but it will probably be the next book after that.

The Really Snowy Day

Toronto got really walloped on Monday.  Fortunately, most people were well aware that there was a big blizzard coming, so they generally didn't venture out unless there was a really good reason.  That's not to say that there was no traffic.  Lots of people did try to go driving and quickly found out it wasn't going to work out.  Over 500 TTC buses got stuck in the storm on Monday and possibly thousands of cars.  Here's the 72 Pape bus stuck over on Carlaw near Gerrard.

I did the heavy shoveling in the morning.  I haven't seen snow like that in 10+ years.  The kids were more than a little put out to learn that Monday was going to more virtual school -- and not a snow day!  The TDSB relented and decided that Tuesday would be a full-on snow day, which must be the first in all the time we've lived here (6 or so years)!  It was still snowing at lunchtime, but my wife and son took over the shoveling duties.

Here are the before and after photos.

I actually did venture out quite reluctantly on Monday.  I was trying to get something at the dollar store.  I managed to get there, only to find it was completely closed.  I went a couple of blocks to the mall.  The grocery store and Wal-Mart were open, but most stores in the mall were closed, including a different dollar store, so that was quite frustrating!  

Here's a picture of some road clearing on Day 2, as well as the huge mountain of snow in a local parking lot.

By Tuesday evening, I figured that the city had dug out enough, so I set off on a trip over to the Riverdale Library.  It was closed, which was justso incredibly frustrating.  Later I found that the library website only sporadically indicated that ALL the branches were closed on Tuesday, even the ones on major streets which had been plowed.  I can't embed this video directly, unfortunately, but this is how I felt when I got to the library.  In some ways it was even worse, as it had been shoveled by that point, though the lights were out, but I still had to go to the front door only to find it was locked.

In another development, I went a second time (last week) to the Toronto Reference Library only to find that floors 4 and 5 (with all the art and literature) were going to be closed until some undetermined future date, but I could put in a request for items on the open shelves.  I was pretty put out by this news and didn't stick around, as I didn't have the time to wait.  This week, the Omicron sick-out has gotten to the point that they closed the 2nd and 3rd floor as well and they aren't retrieving items either, making the Reference Library essentially useless for anything but using the computers on the 1st floor and picking up holds (from other libraries*).  It's hard to overstate how pointless it is keep the Reference Library open under these conditions.  For the moment, I can still pick up holds at Robarts, but I expect this may be curtailed in the near future, so I'm trying to get those last few items of interest.

What a dreary winter this is turning out to be.  Unless something changes, namely the hospitalizations get even worse, gyms, restaurants and museums are supposed to reopen on Jan. 31.  I'm not sure it's the wisest course of action, but I'll probably start going out a bit more in February.  It's supposed to be quite cold for the next week or so, but hopefully no more blizzards!

* And it turns out my main local branch was closed for a day for Covid cleaning, so I couldn't get my holds there either!  It seems to be open now, but I may wait one more day anyway, as I can't fully rely on their on-line info any longer...

Nearly a Citizen

In early December, I finally heard back from IRCC about my citizenship application.  The email said that I had 21 days to take the citizenship test (virtually).  There were a number of strict conditions, including I had to be alone and if anyone passed through the background I might be disqualified.  So I decided it would just be safest taking the test on the weekend in the office but go into a place where the security guards don't usually cut through.  

While I wasn't too worried about the test itself, I did read the Study Guide a few times that week.  I then may have made a mistake by trying a practice test put together by one of the coaching companies.  It had a lot of very nit-picky questions, and I only got 14 right out of 20 (15 correct answers are needed to pass, and the test as a whole has to be finished in 30 minutes).  But of course, it is in their interest to make the test seem scary, so you'll pay for their services.

I found a good site run through the Richmond Public Library that lets you generate as many practice tests as you want.  The focus was much more on general concepts and the responsibilities of citizens and much less on dates and specific names.  That seemed a much better proxy for the real test.  I did much better, scoring between 18 and 20 each time.

I grabbed a bite to eat and then settled in to take the test.  It was indeed much closer to the Richmond Library version.  I sailed through it quickly (perhaps too quickly...) and submitted my answers.  I did quite well, though this is still just a provisional pass.  I guess they still review the video to make sure there was no cheating.  

After this, I just need to wait to take the oath during a Swearing-In ceremony.  Under normal circumstances, this should be 3-4 months, but of course these are far from normal circumstances.  Some clients have been waiting over a year!  I definitely hope that doesn't happen, as I would like to vote in the Provincial election in June.  If my ceremony is pushed back too far, then my son will turn 18 and theoretically might need to take his own test, but hopefully not as we have been in the queue for quite some time, and it is hardly our fault they have kept delaying things.  There is probably no point in worrying until late April.

Assuming all goes well, I'm contemplating getting a tattoo to mark the occasion.  (I know it's kind of stupid but if that's the extent of my midlife crisis, I think my wife will be relieved.)  I was just going to get a small maple leaf on my shoulder, but now I am wondering if I should go all out and do something like this (but replacing the yin-yang symbol with a maple leaf).  And probably only a black outline of a dragon with the only colour being the red maple leaf.

I spent more than a little time researching tattoos.  I didn't realize that you can't go swimming for at least a month after you get a tattoo.  That would be a drag, but not enough to stop me from getting one.  The real unknown is how much pain can I tolerate, but I think I can see it through if I actually decide to go ahead with this, which is no sure thing...  But first I need to get that call from Immigration Services! 

Bad Week

This past week has been incredibly difficult.  And I am aware that I am sheltered from the worst of things, as I can work from home.  I just don't like being told I must work from home...

Anyway, last Thursday I had an extremely unpleasant encounter in the foot court with a guy who was causing a huge disturbance, cursing out other customers and then the security guard.  I really had hoped that another guard or even the police would have tossed him out.  It didn't help that this particular restaurant is pretty slow even on a good day, and of course they were still mostly retraining staff, as they haven't even been allowed to be open that long.  With the current restrictions, they can technically stay open, but they may well give up again as the foot traffic is going to be cut way back (and potentially customers will just not want to bother because guards can tell them not to eat anywhere else in Union Station).  

I can't remember if it was Thursday or Friday that I learned a bunch of model runs were flawed and would have to be redone, but that cast quite a pall on things.

Basically, the only thing that went right last Thursday was that I finally got my booster shot.  I was a bit worried that either 1) my failed attempt to get an earlier appointment would have knocked out this appointment or 2) that they would not have received enough vaccine at the clinic.  However, things went pretty smoothly overall.  

I walked over to Spadina and caught the extremely pokey streetcar up to Bloor.  I  ran into BMV, though they were closing early, so I didn't have a lot of time to browse and didn't see what I was looking for.  Then I went to the Toronto Reference Library only to find out that the art and literature floors were both closed for some stupid reason, so that was another wasted trip.  As I said, last Thursday was a pretty bad day overall, though of course worse was still to come.

Friday I was working from home.  I certainly wasn't expecting a bad reaction from the booster, but there was no point in taking chances.  In the end, I just had mild soreness in my arm, and that was it.   (Just enough of a reaction to feel assured it was working...)   I actually had booked a swimming lane in the early afternoon but the lifeguard got sick and all the appointments were cancelled.  I could have tried Jimmie Simpson, but those lanes were all booked, and I didn't want to go over and get on the wait list and then not get in.  I didn't think my odds were great, given that others would have the same idea as me.  So that was frustrating.  The next available appointment at Matty Eckler was Monday evening, so I booked that.  

New Years' Eve was pretty low-key.  Then there was very little to do on Saturday, though I did go to the gym to do a somewhat shortened workout.  Fortunately, my arm didn't bother me too much, even when lifting weights.

The kids already knew they had a couple extra days of winter break, and I guess it was Monday that we got the news that Ontario was going back to Stage 2.  Not a total lockdown, but a lot of restrictions and the return of virtual learning for what should only be 2 weeks but will surely be longer.  For me personally, I am impacted the most by the gym (and swimming pool) closures, then the shutting down of concerts, plays and movie theatres -- for 3 weeks but will surely be longer... I had 2 additional concerts cancelled, as well as the Crows' Theatre show get postponed (but probably cancelled in reality).  At the moment, Coal Mine Theatre is putting on a brave face and saying they can still put on The Antipodes, but I don't believe it.*  Basically, every company that thought they were being smart by pushing things to Jan. 2022 has just gotten majorly screwed.  I'm so tired of all this, and the fact there seems to be no end in sight.  I can just feel a blanket of depression weighing me down.  (It's actually starting to impact my work in a way that I don't think it really did last year, though I may be overstating my resilience last year.  Looking back, I can certainly see weeks when I didn't feel that connected or productive at work.  But it still seems worse right now, and everything feels particularly pointless, which isn't how I want to start the new year, to be sure.)  And while it is a small thing in the grand scheme of things, even finding out that Robarts isn't going to restart allowing alumni to pick up books until Jan. 10 (rather than Jan. 3) seems like another kick in the teeth.  There's just a limit on how long we can put our lives on hold, and I've hit my limit.

Given that my chances of getting enough exercise are very limited, as I'm not even supposed to bike to work for the next several weeks, I made sure to go swimming Monday evening, then I went to the gym on Tuesday.  It was less crowded than I expected, honestly.  

So yeah, this has been a particularly crappy week with almost nothing to look forward to until February at the very soonest.  (They've even cancelled SFYS in Jan. while they try to regroup and see if it is worth carrying on.  Blah...)

 * They've bowed to reality and pushed The Antipodes to April and Detroit to June.  Hopefully that will be enough.  Village Players still thinks they'll perform in February, but I can't see it happening.

A Few Thoughts on Current Reading

My reading has been somewhat spotty lately.  And now with the current restrictions, I won't be on the train to work for weeks (and more likely months...) and the gym is closed as well, so I can't even read while on the stationary bike.  So incredibly frustrating...

Anyway, in December I finally finished Joyce Cary's The Horses' Mouth, but I didn't care much for it.  I'm not quite sure how I'll feel about the movie, though I suppose Alec Guinness will do his damnedest to make him a lovable rogue.  I didn't realize until recently that Guinness really pushed for the movie to be made and even wrote the screenplay, adding a comic ending.

I also read 2/3rds of Selvon's Moses Trilogy.  These are not deep novels, and I've already noted the casual sexism of The Lonely Londoners gets even worse in Moses Ascending.  It wasn't until I dug into a bit more that I realized Lamming's In the Castle of My Skin is set entirely in the West Indies (which is the same for Selvon's first two novels), or rather I had simply forgotten this.  It isn't until The Emigrants that we get to London.  So I may go ahead and reread Castle, followed by Selvon's An Island is a World, followed by The Emigrants, and then I'll probably wrap up my quick spin through immigration literature with Selvon's Moses Migrating.  Ideally by this time, I'll finally have word back from Immigration Canada that I am finally done with the immigration process.  (I'll write about this process separately.) 

I'm still waiting on my copy of Crime and Punishment to arrive.  It should be here by now, but I'll wait another week or so before I put in a claim for a refund.  As it happens, I do have a copy but it got somewhat water damaged on the trip to Ottawa last summer.  When I do make my way though that, I'll probably reread Chesterton's The Man Who Was Thursday and then tackle Arlt's The Seven Madmen.  I haven't decided what should follow, but as far as the "high literary" through line, I've been meaning to read Conrad's The Secret Agent, Celine and Beckett's 3 Novels, and who knows, perhaps reread O'Brien's he Third Policeman.  Those are all as worthy as anything else, and there are generally on the short side, as is everything I've discussed so far with the exception of Crime and Punishment.

I am trying to stick with my resolution to stop reading books that I don't like, though I did violate this principle with The Horse's Mouth.  On the other hand, I was so turned off by Ballard's Concrete Island and the fact that the narrator immediately makes his own (extremely implausible) situation worse that I gave up in the middle of Chapter 3.  I've read a bit of Ballard here and there, and for sure he's an acquired taste and not really what I am interested in right now.  That said, so far The Day of Creation is a bit easier to swallow -- more like a Herzog film and less like a weird Cronenberg fable.*

One quick read was Tim O'Brien's July, July which is about he happenings at a 31st year college reunion.  The shadow of The Big Chill hangs very heavy over this novel, and it doesn't quite do enough to justify its existence, but it was better than a lot of things I read in November and December. 

One promising book that I picked up recently is Jean Giono's The Open Road, in a new English translation just published by NYRB.  It details a road trip through the south of France by two characters who are supposed to be opposite types, though it isn't exactly a buddy film or the Odd Couple or anything like that.  Anyway, I've just started it and am enjoying it so far, though I am wondering 1) whether it is worth trying to read it in French more or less simultaneously (as it written in a fairly plain style) and 2) whether I should actually read Steinbeck's Of Mice and Men first, as that was a bit on an inspiration for Giono, along with Whitman's Leaves of Grass.  The Steinbeck is quite short and it is one of his short novels I've never read, incredibly enough, so probably I should start there.

* Of course I wrote this and then not much later Ballard introduced a very prominent theme of pedophilia.  I think the narrator was not ultimately successful in sleeping with the African teenager who was on his (pointless) mission to find the source of the river, though there was an odd fever dream sequence where reality was a bit warped, so it is hard to be sure.  In any event, I could have and definitely should have dropped this book much sooner.  Have to learn to trust those instincts