Obsession

Obsession -- not just a perfume anymore...

Often played for laughs, obsessiveness can be such a devastating thing to try to overcome.  I have to say I am not a big fan of the reality TV shows that thrive on probing people's obsessions/problems (Hoarders and the shows on OCD for example).  I realize a lot of people think "there but for the grace of ..." (and I probably fall into this camp when I happen to catch part of one of these shows), but others really revel in comparing their lives to others who are really troubled. 

Fake Paul is all about obsession with cultural figures that ends in stalking and other kinds of criminal behaviour.  I tried to go through my memory to think if I had ever been obsessed with a band or a movie star or even a particular book/movie.  I think the closest was a local band I followed for a while in Ann Arbor called "The Difference."  I probably saw 6 or 7 of their shows over a 2 year span, and I probably would have gone to a few more, but they often played at bars where I couldn't enter (being 19 at the time).  I started to get to know a few of the female fans who did seem to follow them around.  But I think that is pretty much it, and I certainly wasn't obsessed with the band members themselves -- I just thought they put on a good show I could dance to.  As far as major acts go, I went to 2 or perhaps 3 Grateful Dead shows and really couldn't get into the sideshow carnival scene that followed them around.*  I guess I have seen Camper Van Beethoven 4 times, and was dragged to several Duran Duran shows. I don't believe I have seen any other rock star or group more than twice. I have seen a handful of jazz artists on the order of 4-5 times, but certainly wouldn't consider myself obsessed with any of them.  Jazz acts tour so rarely now that it wouldn't pay to try to be a follower anyway.

I never really could understand people who saw the same movie 20+ times to the point where they had memorized practically all the dialogue.  I think Brazil is the movie I've seen the most, and that is still probably only 6 times total.  For most movies (and TV shows), twice is my working limit, and even then I only would pay to see it in the theatre once (ok, I paid twice to see Tati's Playtime).  I've read a small handful of books twice and think the only book I may have read three times was The Great Gatsby.  I guess I tried to read Dickens' A Christmas Carol to the kids (making a third reading) but they weren't into it at all last year.  I think it is safe to say that isn't how my obsessions lay.  I don't even go to see the same play done by different companies that often, though it isn't a hard and fast rule. (I do wonder if this is because I care about plot more than almost anything else -- and once I know the plot, there isn't much left to hold my interest.  At least different directors and casts do bring out different aspects of a play.  Seeing the same movie over and over seems a bit like being in a time-loop to me.  I suppose I am a bit more susceptible to wearing down musical grooves with repeat listening -- and when I get particularly stressed I do retreat to 80s pop songs...)

The flipside is that I don't go too deep into any particular book or movie, but I do have a problem with breadth, which manifests itself in collecting, perhaps even an obsession to at least have all the great literature and movies and especially music pass through in my hands at least once.  In that respect, joining a jazz on-line bulletin board was probably a bad mistake, as it normalized my collecting habits and I always could find someone who had amassed a larger collection than me.  I am still a member, though a fairly inactive one now.  It probably helps that jazz has largely died, along with the broader music industry, over the past ten years.

I also have an obsession about staying current in the news, particularly statewide or provincial politics that I think will affect my work.  And staying connected via email (at a time when traditional email is itself considered old fashioned).

On some occasions I can reign myself in.  I have purged hundreds of CDs from my collection and dozens of books.  I sometimes am smart enough to stop myself from getting into things that will only feed my obsession, so I have resolutely refused to join Facebook and especially Twitter.  Probably the one area I am most successful at is avoiding getting caught up in following sports or TV shows (and if I had my druthers I would stop cable and would only use the television to watch DVDs).  I would say I really only follow a single show (Futurama) that doesn't even air in Canada!  Of course, other times I do let my obsessions get the better of me, though I have largely stopped the mass consumption that marked my 30s.  I suppose it will always be a bit of a struggle for me, and I just try to harness it and redirect it in relatively harmless ways when I can.

* In thinking about the Grateful Dead, a lot of people pride themselves on very esoteric knowledge -- when was the only time the Dead played this song or that song.  When was Jerry having a good or bad night and so on.  Trading networks sprung up, since the Dead actually encouraged taping of their shows, and at least there is considerable variety in their shows.  I see the same kind of obsessive archiving of Pearl Jam concerts, for example, and I just wonder why, since it doesn't seem like the set lists vary that much.  To be fair, while truly enjoying/understanding the Dead requires a fair bit of insider knowledge, the community was fairly open to those truly interested in learning more (whereas other communities almost pride themselves on being able to shut out newbies and outsiders).  Now that so much of the Dead's legacy is on-line (www.gdao.org), I have been downloading a few shows in my own somewhat compulsive way, though after I have collected the 15 or so shows I want, including ones I was at, I will slam the door shut on going back and getting more -- trying to save myself from myself.