Last few days of 40

So I'm getting the midlife blahs.  I've definitely been "stuck" for quite some time, as are most of the people I know.  I did a lot more things earlier and just in general had more energy.  By my mid 20s, I had my own poetry chapbook (self-published) and edited a poetry anthology of subway poems (there was interest from publishers but sadly gaining the necessary permissions was simply too hard and it was not published).  I was also wrapping up a Masters Degree in English from University of Toronto.  By the time I was 28, I had a Masters in Transportation from Northwestern (which then gave me a very different career trajectory from any of the humanities majors I knew).

By my mid-30s, I finally wrapped up my Ph.D. in sociology and my son was born (indeed he was born during the revisions due after my defense!).  I'd had a pretty good career to that point and had assisted on some very innovative regional transportation models in New York and Columbus, OH.  And then things started to derail, particularly at work.  This is also when I started to gain weight, certainly in part because of needing my energy to help look after the baby.

Towards the end of my 30s, we moved to England, which was quite an experience and it did give me a temporary jolt, plus I was able to see many of the great cities of Europe and their museums.  But England was not for me nor for my wife.  However, my daughter was born there, and that sort of completed the picture.

I've been saying for a few years now that I would work on this book on infrastructure, but given the hiring freeze at most universities, I just can't see it makes any sense to complete that or to take the time to turn my dissertation into a book.  I've definitely been in a slump, particularly career-wise, since returning to Chicago, though my interest in the arts has grown.  Every so often I work on my desk-drawer novel.  But more seriously I wrote a full-length play (unproduced as of yet) and two shorter pieces.  I have two more partially completed plays and I am writing a bit more poetry.  Still, it is hard to shake the feeling that from my mid 30s on, I just haven't done enough (and certainly haven't exercised enough).  It's easy to blame the kids, but the truth is I could find the time if I really wanted.

So just a few more weeks and I turn 41.  Anyway, there may be a major change coming down the road and I am hopeful that the first part of my 40s finds me back on the right track.