I'm not sure whether it is better or worse for my outlook, but the gym took away the scale in the change room and doesn't seem too inclined to bring it back. Obviously, there are scales at home, but there is something about sticking to the same scale that I prefer. I knew that I wasn't doing that well on my goal of losing weight (a lot of stress snacking lately...) but I was probably 10 pounds heavier than I thought, which was already 20 pounds higher than my interim goal. And I might even have picked up another 5 (my life has been incredibly stressful lately).
I know what worked for me in the past (when I hit rock bottom or near rock bottom and actually had to sew a few work shirts so my stomach bulge wouldn't force open the buttons -- fortunately I am nowhere near that nadir at the moment). But it wasn't fun - skipping breakfast and having a restricted lunch. I was hungry all the time, And clearly it wasn't maintainable, though I suppose who knows what would have happened without COVID. That really did change everything.
Roughly two months ago I had an unbelievable encounter on my block. I was heading out somewhere and this guy came by and started talking to a friend of his, saying something about what a go getter he was. And then as I walked past, he said under his breath but loud enough for me to hear him "But not you, you're just an asshole. And you're fat and ugly too." I didn't think there would be any point in trying to start a fight, since that seemed to be what he was spoiling for. I don't think I've interacted with him before, though it is very possible he reads my "resting bitch face" as contempt. Or he knows I work for the government. Or he is one of the thousands of Torontonians driven insane by jealousy over anyone who got on the property ladder. While my feelings were certainly bruised, I've put him in the unpleasant lunatic to avoid category. But he's not wrong that I should lose weight.
I can't even imagine the shape I would be in if I didn't bike to work almost every day. And I have been a regular gym goer for a while, inching back up to three times a week, but while going to the gym is important, weight loss isn't the main reason for going. Unfortunately, my swimming has been cut back considerably. The pool hours were revised to something that just didn't work for me, and now the pool is closed for repairs the entire month of August.* I may try to go to the Regent Park pool from time to time on the weekends. Anyway, it is clear that to lose weight, I have to really focus on improving my eating habits -- and to find a maintainable regime.
So for the moment I am trying to eat half as much cereal as I usually did in the morning. My snacks during the day are almost entirely fruit. I am generally only having a yogurt parfait for lunch, and for the time being I am skipping the spring roll I sometimes used to supplement the parfait. The real problem is snacking at home after dinner (and late at night!) but for the time being I have stopped buying chips and crackers. I will try to chew more gum and see about sticking with unbuttered popcorn if I must snack. If this starts showing results, and my stomach can get shrink down a bit, which it actually does, then maybe I'll cut back even more on breakfast. The flip side is I am going to be grumpy. There simply is no way (for me) to lose weight and not feel hungry. I may report back in a couple of weeks if I am back on the right track.
I've been fighting off the temptation to buy crackers, chips and ice cream at the store, but it would really help if I start seeing some results before my resolve weakens...
* This would actually be a good time to get that tattoo I've been considering, as I can't swim for 2 or 3 weeks after I get it. But I am still waiting for that letter from IRCC. I would feel awfully foolish to get the tattoo before everything was official just in case my citizenship falls through!
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